He's at College ... Far Away ... And I'm Ok

He was just a baby last week. Where did the time go? I can't believe at this time next week, my little boy will be a high school graduate. As he pointed out the other day, the "required" part of school is over. Everything from here on out is his choice. How is that possible? All the time spent researching the best schools, cooking dinners he may or may not eat, worrying if he was getting enough sleep, sending him to sleep away camp, navigating technology, trekking to sports practices and games ... the endless hours of my life focused on him and his needs. What did I learn from all this? What wisdom can I share? Here's what comes to mind first: Prioritize your children over all else - I heard Jerry Seinfeld share this fact with Jim Gaffigan, "You see your child almost everyday for the first 18 years of their life, right? From then on, you'll see them for a total of one more year." What?!?! Don't take their time at home with you for granted. The days can feel long and repetitive when you have little kids. Your patience can wear thin when they start talking back and challenging you. No matter what, your kids must come first. There is too much at stake. Listen more, talk less - We don't always need to have the answers. Our kids need to know we are a safe space and that we are always here for them no matter what. Listening tells them you care and they matter. Once I got the hang of this, it helped take a lot of the pressure off me always feeling like I had to have all the answers and allowed us to connect in a deeper and more meaningful way than I ever imagined. Make time to have fun together - My kids school vacations don't always line up with each other, much less with my work vacations, so this past Spring Break when my kids had a day off that overlapped, I played hooky from work to have a day of fun together. We went to the oh-so-popular-with-the-hip-crowd Din Tai Fung for brunch (my son had never been before), then went to the Peterson Automotive Museum where we explored lots of cool and historic cars, followed by pickle tasting at the Farmer's Market in Hollywood and walking around the Grove, driving down Sunset to go look at the beautiful Pacific Ocean, and ending at iPic in Westwood to see Kung Fu Panda 3 (I think) while having dinner and movie treats! I was so grateful that I made the time to spend the day with both my kids together ... these days are numbered. Let them make mistakes - Childhood is when the stakes are low. I know it doesn't always feel that way as a parent. But kids need to learn to mess up. If they don't learn this important skill as a kid, they will not develop the coping mechanisms necessary to deal with disappointment or mistakes when they get older. Life is not perfect. It would be boring if it was. Some our best lessons come when we need to pivot or pick ourselves up after defeat. As Nelson Mandela said, “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” Stop and smell the roses - There are going to be challenges. Life will have hard times. If you don't force yourself to recognize and enjoy the small beauties of everyday, you're going to miss a lot. My son and I have a tradition of binge watching shows together. It has been a small thing we have done that has forced us to sit and spend time together most days. It's not big and fancy. We usually choose comedies because it is a shared love (although we also enjoy a good season of Survivor and Friday Night Lights was an all-time favorite). There are no deep or serious conversations relating to the show, but I have learned a lot about him based on what he likes to watch (when it comes to movies, there better not be a dog that dies or lots of blood and needles). It's these little moments, these unspoken tradiitons, that have kept us close all these years. Even on bad days, on long days, I would look forward to that simple time of sitting on the couch watching a show together. That's what I've got for now. I know I will think of more as we approach graduation and I revel in the moments. If you had told me this time would come as quickly as it did (which I'm sure plenty of well-meaning parents with older children did), I would have never believed you. Treasure the time, treasure the shared space, treasure the hugs (get them when you can), treasure the relationship you have created with this precious human being.